


I can try again as long as it's you (re-love)

by mhdumps



Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video), Without You - NCT U (Music Video)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Breaking Up & Making Up, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Established Relationship, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Are Best Friends, I Made Myself Cry, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Markhyuck Summer Fight of 2017 (NCT), Sad, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Soft Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Strangers to Lovers, mahae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29100294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhdumps/pseuds/mhdumps
Summary: The school ace, Lee Donghyuck tried to be the sweet and romantic secret admirer of the new boy with foreign accent in school. Emphasizing on the word try.OrMark lee falling for the person that made him collect all the paper his locker vomits out.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 23





	I can try again as long as it's you (re-love)

**Author's Note:**

> tw - mentions of blood and explosions. 
> 
> This work had been collecting dust in my docs for almost a month because I just lost all the motivation to get it done and I'm currently drowning in my assignments' due dates and finals coming soon. I haven't wrote in a while and it might not meet your expectations but I hope you can enjoy it. Have fun reading ^^

Donghyuck is a human version of a water tap. 

His school uniform glued to his skin and the gap between his fingers are spilling out sweats. This may sound like an exaggeration but Donghyuck swears that his socks are _soaked_. 

A continuous tap hits his right shoulders causing Donghyuck to roll his eyes and sends Renjun a glare. He then proceeds to drop his head a few degrees to the left demanding reason for the disturbance he received.

Renjun uses his lips as a pointer which turns Donghyuck’s curious face to a disgusted look.

Donghyuck followed the direction pointed and his iris caught a view of someone’s broad shoulder with their head covered with black hair. 

Obviously, who goes to school with bright red hair, right? No one other than Lee Donghyuck who lives by his own rules and gives zero fucks. Sure, he received warnings but his hair is covered with colors once in a blue moon and his report cards are immaculate.

He freezes when the figure turns around shining the badge pinned on the boy’s shirt into Donghyuck’s view. 

_Lee Mark._

The memory of their first encounter came back to Donghyuck. The boy with bangs covering his eyesight which made him trip over his own shoelace countless times. 

Donghyuck remembers how the boy stumbled over nothing and slammed him right to the floor. Mark’s face was as red as the insides of the watermelon and his eyes shaking as if there was an earthquake behind those eyeballs. He still can recall Mark’s high-pitched cartoon voice apologizing with a foreign accent.

Just like how every animation was created frame by frame, the tiny details of that event were seared at the back of Donghyuck’s eyelids. 

Ever since the incident, all Donghyuck could think of was the Canadian boy and his weird accent. 

If it was not because of Renjun, he may not notice how often and natural it was for him to scan every corner of the hall when all the students were gathered. As well as how he does not miss any opportunity to mention the incident every time they walked past the entrance door. He even imitates the way Mark talks for a whole week. 

Donghyuck lets out a huff that made Renjun burst out laughing.

“The mighty and confident Lee Donghyuck getting nervous over a boy? I am so honored to be given this chance of seeing you breaking out sweats” 

“Shut up, toddler pole. You act the same every time you see that tall ass motherfucker”

Donghyuck receives a hard smack at the back of his head. 

“Well, this toddler pole is not single anymore lonely asshole. Now, goodluck sucker, I hope your voice doesn’t betray you while I shower my tall and hot boyfriend with kisses”

Renjun gave Donghyuck finger hearts before pulling out both of his unholy fingers.

Donghyuck shook his head and smiled. 

_That rudeass walking gnome better keep his pants up._

—

“Now I’m sure all of you already know who I’m about to give this stage to but since it is already the end of the competition month, let us recap his contributions to the school”

The crowd cheers as Johnny walks towards Jaehyun in the backstage and Donghyuck who is leaning against the wall. He glances at the youngest and throws a huge smile. 

“Hyunggg why are you doing a recap ? How am I supposed to perform if I’m going to be as red as the devil’s tail on the stage?”

Donghyuck whines. Johnny and Jaehyun or known as JohnJae are the two duo that knows very well how shy he will be when people talk about his achievements. He prefers it to be hidden and that’s just how he is. 

No one knew about his singing until Jaemin leaked a video of him doing his weekly duty of clearing up the boxes in his family's old garage. 

If it was not because of Jisung and Renjun writing his name down for the music club audition as a prank, he may not even get the vocal legend nickname. 

“Hyuck-ah, all your friends did was kick start your journey. You’re here because of your own hard work. Sometimes, it’s okay to brag about your achievements because that’s how you celebrate the struggle you went through to be here”

Johnny ruffles Donghyuck’s hair before running back to the stage. 

“Johnny is right you know? Go own your trophies” 

Jaehyun flashes a smile and Donghyuck’s eyes watch the deep hole of his hyung’s cheeks. He pouts and gives the dimpled-smile prince a hug with a thank you message through it. 

“I’ll be frank. Four years ago, our school was boring. We seem to ban any music activities even when we have great music teachers. This school is a house of amazing and talented students and packed with instruments yet there isn’t any involvement with the music competition. How is that logic?”

Johnny’s voice echoes. Everyone in the hall listens and their eyes follow every gesture his hands made. 

The emcee smiled before continuing his sentence.

“Until, a video of a boy picking up and sorting boxes in an old garage while singing blew up. The low quality recording that made everyone stop focusing on whatever they were doing. I remember how Mrs. Park was trying to shoo a group of students back to their class but ended up questioning them about the voice she heard. Let’s thank the students and Mrs. Park”

The crowd laughed and Mrs. Park waved her hands up to cover her flushing face.

“Lee Donghyuck from Class 01, the student who reserved the first place for every examination. This boy who isn’t only the first place for academic activities but also plays soccer so well that offers from every institution that exists to continuously drop in front of his door. He even won the international competition between years-experienced gamers.”

“Lee Donghyuck has been representing our school for almost 4 years in the singing competition and never once did he come back empty handed. You may think the judges are already used to his range, skills and techniques after so long of seeing him as the participant yet every person’s hair stands up straight when he takes the stage.”

“He’s been singing for competitions but today, he wanted to perform for fun instead. Give it up to our school ace, Lee Donghyuck!!”

The crowd cheers when the performer finally stands at the center of the stage. 

The microphone in his grasp feels awkward when Donghyuck looks at the huddled humans sitting in front of him. Donghyuck gave a small smile and bow. 

_Alright, here goes nothing._

Donghyuck closes his eyes while hearing the beat of the song. His body sways and the students mirrored his movements as if they were under a spell. 

[ Beyoncé - [Halo](https://open.spotify.com/track/2CvOqDpQIMw69cCzWqr5yr?si=--61vnEGQZig4brheWtlwg) ]

“Remember those walls I built?

Well, Baby they’re tumbling down.

They didn’t even put up a fight,

They didn’t even make a sound”

The lyrics and music flows into each person making the distractions in their head stop and focus on the voice they’re hearing instead. Every person that has their eyes on the floor, lifts their gaze up to the stage that’s holding Donghyuck. 

Every pair of eyes are on him but the only black-haired person that Donghyuck cares about is that Canadian boy who made him fall in front of everyone on the first day of school after winter break. 

Mark was listening but his eyes were closed. He made it look as if he’s listening to a lullaby with hundreds other babies and Donghyuck is their caretaker trying to put them to sleep because it’s nap time. 

Donghyuck takes that as an advantage to memorize every detail of Mark’s features that he could catch from the distance. The longer he looks at the god’s sculpted face, the more he can feel his knees losing its strength. Donghyuck sits on the floor to save himself from the embarrassment of falling down during performance. 

Mark lifts his eyelids and the two gaze meet. 

“You're everything I need and more,

It's written all over your face.

Baby, I can feel your halo,

Pray it won't fade away”

The ending chorus struck Mark’s heart and he could feel Donghyuck’s stare on him. He remembers all the notes he’s been receiving and all the coincidental meets. 

“ _I’ve always been surrounded with devil’s horns until I met you”_

Mark could see the blue handwriting on a pink paper that flew out of his locker when he was trying to put his lunch box in it that morning. He remembers how he tried to declutter the riddle. Soon, his eyes grew wide and his hands reached for Jeno’s back.

Jeno gives Mark a mixture of bored and annoyed gaze while waiting for the older student to speak and explain why there is a repetition of smacking on his back. 

“That’s the person who’s been sending me notes!”

Mark does not wait to explain anything further and runs to chase Donghyuck who walked out of the hall a few moments ago. 

Jeno was left dumbfounded.

—

In the middle of the hallway stood Mark Lee with his head turning around to search for the slender body boy that performed in front of hundreds of students a while ago. 

Mark takes his step slowly while peeking through every door he passes by with hopes that he’ll get to meet the person he’s been dying to know more. personally.

The notes start to appear during the second week of school. Mark remembered that because of a paper cut he got and god knows how it stings. The notes ended up in the bin for almost three weeks because Mark really didn’t bother to look at what information the papers were holding.

Whatever that happens to the notes seems to anger the sender since when the new week starts, Mark was greeted with his locker vomiting out papers and he could remember vividly what was written on the only piece that was not crumpled.

_It is unnecessary of you to feel the need of throwing all these notes away, the trash is getting picked up tomorrow. You have to get yourself ready too <3 _

_p.s. ;_

_Usually I’ll tell you how nice your scent is but_

_not anymore sucker, you smell like wet grass._

Mark figures the sender might have thought they gave him an insult but honestly? He took it as a compliment. Wet grass smells like nature and Mark is a sucker for natural smells. 

For the past three weeks, the notes will always find themselves in the bin surrounded with every other useless and unwanted object but for some reason, the page full of “insults” was stuffed inside of his pocket and magically it made Mark anticipate for more. 

The Canadian boy was so immersed in his memories that he did not realise the standing student at the end of the corridor. Mark continues to walk until his chest bumped into someone.

The gravity pulls the two humans flat on the floor. Mark was expecting a hard surface to meet his chest but whatever he fell on was everything other than hard. 

Mark catches the sound of grunts emitted by whatever that was under him which made his eyes flashes open to take a look. The person’s gaze met his and Mark’s heart started to run. It was none other than Lee Donghyuck himself. 

Mark tried to push his body up when a hand wrapped around his waist which restricted his movements . All he could do was stay at the position with Donghyuck’s eyes on him. 

“Is this going to be how we greet each other now?”

Mark runs his eyeballs around to avoid meeting the strong gaze (alternatively, his attempt to escape the pressure of answering). Seconds after, Donghyuck releases his hold and Mark takes the chance to push his body up before offering his hand which Donghyuck gladly took. 

The two boys stand awkwardly opposite of each other and the silence was too heavy for Donghyuck so he breaks it with another question. 

“Are you not going to continue whatever you were doing?”

Mark turns to look at the boy in front of him.

Donghyuck’s slender body is wrapped by his school uniform that’s layered with a brown vest. His hair was losing the bright red dye that was once soaked into its roots. Mark watches how the melanin skin glows under the sunlight and his jaw almost drops.

Donghyuck turns to face him and Mark chokes on air.

“Oh my god! Why are you always dying in front of me?”

Donghyuck states while rubbing Mark’s back in hope that it could help opening up the airway. 

Mark clears his throat once it tones down and pulls out a note out of his pocket. 

“That’s you right?” 

The note landed on Donghyuck’s palm and he read them carefully before shrugging.

“Why is _th_ _at_ me ?”

Mark rolled his eyes.

“Will you stop playing around?”

Donghyuck places a hand on top of his chest and dramatically replies.

“Are you accusing me of lying? Woah, you fell on top of me twice which might damage my vocal chord that has been representing this school for competition and if it was not because of my fast reflex, I could have gotten brain damage”

Mark flushes red and the sentences he made evaporate into thin air. The sound of giggles catches his attention. 

“What is so funny?”

“You. Mark lee, you.”

Mark’s eye socket expands when he hears the younger saying his name perfectly. Donghyuck’s eyes sparkle and his lips form the cutest smile. if Mark could, he would lean in. 

Mark was trying to make his brain engine move to structure a sentence as quickly as possible but when he tried to speak, he was cut off by the laughter of students filling the area.

If they were passersby, Mark wouldn’t even mind the presence of outsiders when he’s trying to make a conversation with the person that manages to strap away all of his curiosity.

However, the universe seems to hate Mark when people start to create a circle around him and Donghyuck. Mark felt how his airway started to shrink itself and his brain couldn’t control his mouth. 

Involuntary actions took over and he slipped out words that were meant to the loud noises around him instead of the figure right in front of his eyeballs. 

Mark was desperate for them to stop and he lost the ability to weigh the consequences of his action. What he wanted to say mixed up with the teasing and what escapes his mouth was not what he intended to say.

The crowd gasped and Donghyuck laughed brokenly.

“Nice one, Mark”

The older watch as the boy walked into the crowd, crumpling the paper in his palm before tossing it into the bin. 

— 

It’s been two weeks since Mark and Donghyuck spoke and the school ace obliged to his accidental request. 

His locker that used to be filled with some random stickers is now completely plain as if someone just came and rubbed off all of it. Mark didn’t even have to catch any notes when opening the door. 

What’s worse was the performance week ended the day they talked. Finals are coming soon and as the top student, Donghyuck is probably busy catching up with lessons that he missed during competition month. So really, Mark hasn't seen the boy anywhere. 

He did bump into some of his juniors, Renjun and Jisung included yet the two of them were busy sticking their nose into thick books and Donghyuck wasn’t anywhere near the radius. 

Mark lets out a heavy breath and maybe the sound was too loud for Jeno who was busy making flashcards. 

“Do you want my advice Mark?”

Mark’s first instinct after hearing the deep voice was to apologise for disturbing his friend’s focus but Jeno closes his books and waves his hand upward reassuring Mark that it’s been too long of him staring at hundreds of words combined anyway. 

The boy positioned himself to sit closer to his frustrated best friend. 

What a sight to see, Jeno thought. 

Mark was staring intently at his bedroom wall that’s painted with mixes of pastels with his fingers tugging on each other and his dry lips. 

Jeno took the silence as his cue to continue. 

“Stop being a coward and actually ask his friend for his whereabouts”

Mark scrunched his nose and moved his mouth in a circular motion before turning his body to face Jeno properly. He didn’t say anything and let his best friend continue his words. 

“It took you three weeks to finally read his notes. Imagine how frustrated and hurt he was when you threw away those papers without even reading them. That’s the same thing you’re experiencing right now. It’s just that, you don’t have to see the person toss your efforts into the rubbish bin”

Jeno paused. 

“If you want this to stop, do something.”

Mark ran his fingers through his thick strands of hair and pauses halfway, resting the palms on top of his head. 

“That’s the thing ! All the notes were about _me_. It’s how I dress or walk or eat. Every word written was for me. I have no idea what he likes. I didn't even know his name until he performed. I know nothing” 

Jeno shook his head. 

“That’s just an excuse Mark. You do know something. The notes are always there before you. Doesn’t that mean he either slipped those in after practice or he came to school earlier than us?”

Jeno watches how Mark’s expression changes from one to another before his eyes grow wide and his hands start slapping Jeno’s back. 

“YOU ARE A GENIUS OH MY GOD”

Jeno hummed to the compliment and formed a straight line with his lips. He continues to nod his head while waiting for Mark to finally realise that he should stop trying to turn Jeno’s back to the color of the stop sign yet Mark seems to be incapable of thinking.

“Is hitting my back will give you an idea ?”

Mark flashes his awkward smile to Jeno while mouthing the word sorry. At the same time, Jeno’s phone starts to ring. He quickly cleans up his mess and collects all the books he brought to Mark’s room into his bag. 

Jeno’s hands were on the door knob when Mark shouted a question. 

“Wait! How did you come up with that thought but I can’t?”

Jeno looked back and threw a smile. 

“not single”

Before Mark could even process what was said or pull the boy back into his room for an interrogation, the doors slammed shut.

—

Under the shady tree, Mark picks up his guitar and places it on his lap. His fingers move as he strums the string making melodies. 

Mark pauses his movements and stares at the boy in front of him munching chocolate chips and has been adding the cookie pieces into his mouth until his cheeks reach its storage limit. 

“Yah, slow down. No one is going to take the cookies away from you Hyuck-ah”

Mark closes the food container and tries to put them back in the picnic basket before Donghyuck could reach for another chocolate chip. The boy whines and glares at him. 

“Why. why. why? The cookie is so gooooodddd !!”

The word good is dragged as Donghyuck scoots closer to get the container again.

The boys’ hands wrestled against each other and Mark was struggling. His guitar is still on his lap which makes it hard for him to both guard and avoid the fast hands from grabbing the basket handle. 

“Lee Donghyuck, are you really not going to listen to me?”

Donghyuck meets Mark’s eyes and raises his eyebrows. He was hugging the huge ass box in his arms, securing the container filled with chocolate chips in it. 

“I will. as long as you let me eat !”

Mark couldn’t do anything other than let his heart explode watching the younger speak using his baby tone and the lips pouting which Mark pretty sure was a reflex whenever Donghyuck is losing a fight because the younger quickly covers his mouth and turns red. 

Mark chuckles and corrects the position of the guitar on his lap and Donghyuck watches cautiously. If he’s being honest, he was scared that Mark might have a plan to knock him out with the huge ass instrument because he was being annoying. It’s not helping when the two of them are having a picnic in the school field. 

Thinking about how it’s really just the two of them makes the picnic “hang out” even more eerie to Donghyuck.

“I told Renjun that I’m having a picnic with you so if you think you can bury me here, you can’t”

The sentences slip out of his mouth naturally and immediately Donghyuck wants to bury himself instead. 

Mark stares at Donghyuck with his eyes as wide as the eyeball socket could expand. 

“Dude ? Do you actually think I’m going to murder you?”

Mark presses on the second last word a lot stronger and his face expressing betrayal. 

“Uh that’s why you brought the guitar right?”

Mark slapped his forehead and his body shakes as he laughs. Instead of replying, Mark strums the guitar again and starts humming. 

[ Jason Marz ft. Meghan Trainor - [ More Than Friends ](https://open.spotify.com/track/03VNgdCL9t8aPyvwZecglI?si=Uil_GC-VTgWF4ruxuZJ9iA)]

“At the risk of sounding foolish, 

I don’t want to fool around no more.

If we’re gonna do this then let’s do this,

You can fix my broken heart if it’s all yours.”

Donghyuck’s jaw stops working as he listens to the voice that’s filling the surrounding. His hands that were guarding the food container let loose of it’s tight grip. He puts the rectangular box down and pulls his legs closer to his chest, resting his chin on the knees.

Mark meets the younger’s eyes and continues his singing with hums before adding the lyrics.

“I’m asking you to be my baby,

I’m giving you my heart, don’t break it.

I’m crushing and I’m going crazy,

Either way I know we’ll make it”

Mark stopped and placed the guitar on his side before moving closer to Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck lifted his head off his knees and folded his legs, replying back to Mark’s gaze with his teary eyes. The older boy sat in front of the crying one and Mark pats on his thighs.

“Come here”

The tear-eyed boy obliged. 

Mark wrapped his arms around the tiny body in front of him and used the top of Donghyuck’s head as his chin-rest. 

He lets out a soft exhale. 

“Can you see the sunset there? It’s pretty isn’t it?”

Donghyuck hummed. 

“That’s how you look when you’re performing. The shine was so bright, I was scared of getting blind. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you on that day. I was panicking so I turned away instead. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. If only I wasn’t a coward, we could’ve whatever this is earlier”

Mark paused. He moves his fingers to hold the other’s hands. 

“The thing is, I’m not good at structuring confession sentences which was why singing those lyrics was my only way of expressing how I feel about us”

Donghyuck turned his body to get a better look at Mark. The two boys stared at each other and they felt how time stopped to capture every detail of the exact moment. They could feel how their hearts were beating loud and nothing seemed better than everything that was happening. The gap between them was so small as if their body would melt if the distance between them was more than a millimeter.

Mark was going to say something when Donghyuck leans forward and catches Mark’s lips. The kiss was slow and innocent. Their lips seem to be the mirror of each other from the way it fits. The kiss fills every void in their heart and if they were a flower that has been waiting for it’s time to bloom, they finally did. 

—

Donghyuck’s legs were shaking under the table and his eyes kept on glancing at the clock hung up on top of the huge whiteboard. He might explode if the school’s bell does not ring any second from now because it should have rang 5 minutes ago. 

_Please, please, please start screaming,_ Donghyuck begs.

As if the bell heard him, the entire school starts to hear the loudest ring from the bell and Donghyuck does not even try to hide the fact that he had been waiting for the noise to enter his eardrums. He was about to slip his chair under the table when Mr. Moon called him to his desk. 

Donghyuck loves his Math teacher, he really does but he needs to set off now if he wants to arrive at the school gate before Mark does for their date. 

“Donghyuck?”

Mr. Moon announced his name again and Donghyuck physically had to force his body around and walk his heavy feet to the desk. 

“Yes?”

A thick revision book is placed on the wooden table makes Donghyuck’s brain swell. He knows very well what the next sentence his teacher is going to say and that is exactly why his heart drops because he might need to cancel the date today. 

“I’ve highlighted which topic you need to stress on more because I realized you missed almost half of the semester. Let me know if there’s anything that you might need my help for”

Mr. Moon left Donghyuck in the classroom staring at the thick item alone.

 _Can’t believe I’m canceling my date for this shit_ , he thought. 

Donghyuck lets out a heavy sigh and picks up the book, no longer feeling any excitement to reach the school gate. However, he doesn’t really have to run there. 

The second he steps out of the classroom, a figure is already waiting for him in front of his classroom.

Mark has his body leaning against the pole and his bag strapped perfectly to his shoulder. His eyes are locked to the buildings filling the earth and Donghyuck slowly moves to his boyfriend’s side.

“Mark, we might need to cancel our plan today. Mr. Moon just gave me this thick ass book for revision purpose”

Donghyuck sighs. He expected Mark to get mad at him but to his surprise, the boy reached for his hands and the two of them walked down the stairs together. 

“How far is your apartment unit from here?”

He does not know what was behind the words Mark said but whatever it is, it made him smile like a fool.

—

The smell of something burning wakes Donghyuck up from his accidental nap. His round head is on the revision book and his body aches from the way it was positioned. He rubbed his face and walked towards the kitchen where all the loud sound was coming from.

Mark was busy flapping his hands at the smoke that’s coming out from the stove and Donghyuck couldn’t hold his laughter in. 

“Fuck. Why are you up? I’m so sorry. I was trying to cook a cup of ramyeon for you but I may or may not forgotten about it”

Donghyuck walks to the stove and switches it off and before turning his body around to face the flushed older boy. 

“It’s okay. I can clean it up later but what made you forget about these poor ramyeon?”

Mark didn’t answer and moved out of the kitchen quickly. Donghyuck’s sleepy mind is dumbfounded and he chases after the boy a second too late. 

In the living room. Mark’s eyes are stuck to his phone screen and every attempt Donghyuck made to know the answer of his previous question was discarded so quick that made the younger to get more suspicious of his lover. 

Giving up is a word that is banned from entering Donghyuck’s dictionary but he’s letting it in when it comes to calculus. There’s no way he can understand the concept of the topic when his mind is somewhere further away from numbers, so he slams the book shut. 

The books start to be on top of each other with papers in between them before finally placed on the coffee table. 

The melanin skin boy fell on the couch and crawled in his boyfriend’s embrace. 

“Have you done all the practice Mr. Moon told you to get done?”

“Mark, I really like you but that does not mean I won’t kick you out of the unit now”

“Alright alright”

“Good. Now, hug me.”

Mark laughed at the younger’s command yet he wrapped his arm around the tiny body anyway. His fingers clicked the power button at the side of his phone and placed the item on the coffee table. He had to move forward and the movement made Donghyuck grunts.

“Aw baby, I’m sorry” 

An apologetic look reached Mark’s face when he saw how tired the person in his embrace was. His hands pats the back of Donghyuck’s head as he hums to few melodies in his thinking box. 

Donghyuck reaches for Mark’s hand and intertwines it with his own tiny one. 

“Hyuck, how long has it been since you actually rest?”

“I don’t know. Maybe weeks? The final is soon and I missed almost the entire lesson for each subject when I was competing but I _am_ resting now though”

Mark chuckles. He looks down to watch Donghyuck’s lashes attached to each other and looking so calm. 

“It was because of you.”

“I forgot about the ramyeon because you look so pretty when sleeping and I couldn’t rip my eyes away from the view”

Donghyuck shoots up and stares into Mark’s eyes.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

Mark pulls the boy's head back to his chest and takes a deep breath as he runs his fingers in between the strands of hair under his chin. 

“Donghyuck-ah? Sleep.”

“You told me that and expect me to sleep. I really am the only one with brain cells in this relationship”

“In my defense, I thought you're already asleep”

Donghyuck wanted to say something but he decided to just let Mark win. He nods and closes his eyes after capturing Mark's face and sticking them well in his brain. He snuggles his body closer to Mark and feels how the older kisses the top of his head. 

—

That night, Donghyuck woke up in his bed alone. He panicked at first but when the sound of someone strumming guitar fills the unit, his heart calms itself down. He drags his body out of the room and sees Mark on the couch playing his guitar while humming. The older probably noticed a new presence in the room. 

“Hey sleepyhead” 

Donghyuck flashes a smile hearing the nickname. He sat down next to Mark with his eyes locked to the MacBook on the coffee table. 

“What’s this?”

“Some beats that I have in mind. I record them and compile it in a folder. Inspiration usually hits me when the sun hands it’s duty of shining the earth with light to the moon. Do you want to listen?”

Mark does not even need to give him time because Donghyuck is already wearing Mark’s Airpods that were lying around the coffee table. 

Some may say that it was coincidental and temporary but deep in Mark’s heart, he believed that he found his soulmates. The way Donghyuck listened to his first draft and smiling the whole minute while wearing Mark’s Airpods is a sight he wouldn’t dare to trade with anything, even if it’s a collaboration with his favorite artist. 

The sight was breathtaking but what made Mark’s heart explode was Donghyuck reaching for the paper sandwiched by Mr. Moon’s revision book and his own to scribble down words.

The younger fingers shake as he hands Mark the piece of paper with his eyes glowing. Mark ignored the numbers around the words and he realized that Donghyuck just wrote him a few verses. 

“I’m not sure if it’s good though. I just woke up from my 15 hours nap and my brain still hurts from the amount of math I just did. It’s also been months since I actually wrote something. You don’t have to keep them but maybe if you--” 

Mark cuts the blabbering with his lips.

“I love it and I love _you_ ”

— 

The sound coming out of the air humidifier was the only noise that could be heard in the apartment room located on the 8th floor. Two male standing opposites of each other, yearning for warmth that only the other could provide. Mark lets out a heavy breath and his mouth creates a gap as he tries to speak but his words get cut off by the other individual in the room. 

“Why?” 

That was all Donghyuck managed to push out of his dry throat that was filled with lumps. His eyes searching for Mark’s glowing ones hoping he could get an answer from it. The older takes a step back each time Donghyuck comes forward. 

“Donghyuck, _please_!“ 

Mark’s tone increased by an octave when he felt his back pressing the walls. He met Donghyuck’s gaze and quickly shut his own. His heart losing it’s form as the back of his eyelids projected Donghyuck’s wet eyelashes and cheeks. His brain ignores his commands as it replays the sound of the boy he loves sobbing. Mark ran his fingers through his thick and dark hair. 

“I’m sorry.”

The room then starts bouncing the sound of laughter. Mark watched how Donghyuck’s head fell back and his body vibrated as he let out the sound. He knows what should be done. He _knows_ that everything will be fine if he explains. He _knows_ how much he was hurting the laughing boy in front of him but all Mark did was stare. 

“Fine. I guess we’re done aren’t we?” Donghyuck hissed the words out. 

Mark bites his lips and nods. His gaze still stuck on the floor. His ears still catch the sound of Donghyuck crying. His mind is still thinking about their moments. His heart is still breaking and asking for one last hug. His mind and heart were shouting at him to not leave yet Mark took his feet out of the door without looking back. 

When the door slams shut, Donghyuck’s body slowly drops to the floor and his hands move to cover his lips when the tears start to run down his cheeks then all the furniture in the room could hear was his whimpers and breaking voice repeating the same sentence. 

_Mark, come back._

—

It’s been two months since Mark stepped out of the apartment unit and Donghyuck never stopped hoping that he could see someone’s silhouette parallel to the wall waiting to launch their body onto him or the smell of something burning in the kitchen and today is no different.

Donghyuck closed his eyes and took a deep inhale before turning the key in his hand. 

The unit was as dark as it was and there wasn’t any burnt scent entering his smelling sense. Donghyuck’s heart receives a new line of crack and he lets out a broken laughter, feeling foolish. 

His body slides down the main door and his head makes a soft thump as tears start to make his cheeks wet. 

Donghyuck’s hand trembles while reaching for the buzzing object in his pants. 

The screen flashes a name that’s been ringing him since the day he was caught lying on his living room floor with his body curled up into a ball without a blanket or anything under him to warm his cold and shivering body. 

“Are you okay?”

Donghyuck hums to Renjun’s question, knowing well that the boy will understand his un-worded response. 

“Do you want ice-cream? I’m at the store right now. I can drop by? There’s mint chocolate”

“Fuck you. You know I rather swallow the whole tube of toothpaste than tasting even a toothpick full of that flavor”

Donghyuck knows his best friend was searching for ways to distract his loud mind without mentioning what was actually worrying the tiny boy’s heart. In silence, he thanked Renjun for knowing him well.

Renjun breaths out into the speaker.

“Promise me that you won’t freak out”

“Did you actually buy it?”

Donghyuck receives a knock on the apartment door instead.

“Let me in?”

Renjun waited for nothing and immediately engulfed the tear-stained boy in front of him once the door was open wide. 

Donghyuck promised he was strong. He swears he could handle it. However, when he felt the small arms wrapped around his waist and his best friend’s voice whispering “it’s okay” with the most gentle tone, He broke.

His heart that was drawn with cracks, finally _shatters_.

—

The digital clock on Donghyuck’s bedside shows that it’s 2 in the morning. It’s been a few hours since Renjun left. His best friend insisted on staying but Donghyuck needed some alone time —even though he's been alone for awhile now— and Renjun respected his request. (He didn’t leave before making sure that Donghyuck was fully dressed for bed though)

His eyes were heavy and his throat hurt from crying out the four letter name. Donghyuck drags his body to reach for the water bottle Renjun placed on the table, next to his phone. The bottle cap was detached from it’s ring and he gulped down a lot of the fluid into his drying body. 

Head rested on the pillow and Airpods in, he pressed the play button of his [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/track/2zlgwqw8BLX2JGB76LIFeF?si=l_g4YJKrS-2yjs9Jq1m19A).

The song flows into his ears and his heart starts speaking to the moon, hoping it will send the message to the person that used to be reachable. 

Donghyuck smiles at the memories.

_Mark-ah, how are you? Is it easier to breathe now? I’m sure it is._

_I’m okay. I'm barely alive but I’m okay. It’s just… you’re supposed to be nagging at me now for still being awake. Honestly, I stopped taking care of myself the day you left. I stop looking forward to waking up when Renjun reminds me that it’s going to be Friday, the day we went our own way._

_This hurts so much. I can’t reach for your hands when I want to. I’m so scared. I’m so scared that I can't remember how it feels to have your scent lingering around me. I couldn’t even lift the blanket from me because I don't want to be the one who wrapped this body again._

_I hate it. I hate how I keep on waiting for you to kiss me goodnight. I want you to kiss my tear stained cheeks. I want to feel how you lift the blanket up to my chin. I keep on telling the stars that I need you to stay by my side till I finally drifted into dreamland._

_I know you’re far but isn’t there any way for you to teach me how? I need to know how to stop loving you? How do I stop the tears from rolling down whenever my mind remembers you? How do I stop my heart from breaking when I step into the apartment and I couldn’t hear your voice saying “welcome home”?_

_you gave me so much. you gave me, me. So tell me how do I stop hoping that this is just a nightmare? How do I stop hoping that I’ll wake up and see your arms around me ? how do I stop hoping that I’ll see you panicking in the kitchen to make me a sunny side up?_

_Mark lee, missing you is a never ending torture. It's a loop that I’ve been trying so hard to escape. It's a habit that I can’t quit no matter how hard I try to replace them. it’s a continuous pain._

_if i knew this would happen. if i knew it’s going to be so unbearable. I would’ve stopped myself from falling deeper. I would’ve tried my best to avoid your eyes. I would’ve tried my best to love me instead of you._

_tell me how. How do I stop feeling? All I want to hear is you telling me that you love me. like old times._

_Mark. you left without saying goodbye and that._

_that hurts so much more._

A familiar [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/6i77ltz0Wq9Z6wlpt0tyPO?si=DbOccaKQQaWy_qX7oVw72A) hits Donghyuck’s eardrums and the side of his eyes burns for the third time in the few hours before dawn.

— 

The sound of furniture crashing into the walls woke Donghyuck up. The room was pitch black and he couldn’t reach for his phone to shine a light towards the figure in front of him when everything turns dark again. 

In the middle of struggling, Donghyuck swears he smelled Mark’s scent. He swears he heard Mark screaming his name. He tried to scream or cry, anything to let his voice out but the hands around his lips drowned his voice so deep he started to choke. 

Mark finally let go of his hand and crouches down to be at eye-level with the confused boy.

“If you still trust me, do me a favor okay?”

“What is going on Mark? How did you get in?”

Mark’s index finger lands on Donghyuck’s lips.

“I will explain this. I promise but for now, can you stay there?”

Donghyuck struggled to move his eyes away from Mark but he eventually managed to do so. Mark was pointing to the small space between the window and closet. The spot where Mark always slips in when he’s planning a surprise or hiding gifts that he bought. Donghyuck nods.

Mark intertwined their fingers and guided them to the small space. He cupped his hand around the younger’s face. 

“Listen carefully, okay?”

“Mark, What is _wrong_?”

“I need you to face the wall and not turn around no matter what you hear. No matter how curious you are, never turn your body away from the wall. Do you hear me?”

Donghyuck nods his head to Mark’s commands. The older hands Donghyuck both his phone and Airpods before planting a long kiss on his forehead as he pushes the younger’s body between the space.

Mark left and Donghyuck want to scream. The person he misses the most slipped out of his fingers again. He replays what Mark said and plugged his Airpods in. 

Donghyuck promised he tried his best to stay quiet but the upbeat songs that were hitting his eardrums couldn’t stop him from catching the sound of explosion and screaming. He bites his lips so hard that he could taste the blood sipping in. All he wants at the moment is Mark.

Mark pulling him out. Mark cupping his cheeks. Mark’s chest against his. Mark’s arm wrapped around his waist. Mark’s lips on his. 

Most importantly, Mark telling him the three words _again_.

All the noise start to die down and Donghyuck felt a tap on his shoulder. His shoulder spikes up and his hand shakes. The tap was not from Mark and he was told not to turn his body around, so he stay frozen and eyes locked at the wall.

“Hey. I’m Johnny. Mark told me you’re here. I know you’re scared but I really need your help”

Hearing Mark’s name must have been a trigger to Donghyuck because he ran out so quick, almost sending Johnny deep into Earth. 

Donghyuck scans the room for one person but all he sees is his messy bedroom. Soon, his eyes fell on the body lying on the floor and he ran with his mouth reciting repeated no(s)

His knees grow weak and Donghyuck falls next to the limp body as tears build up to fill his eyes which makes him lose the clear vision of the love of his life. 

Donghyuck blinks. He tilted his head back refusing to cry as he watched how blood was flowing out of Mark's side. His shaky hand applies pressure to the wound while his heart breaks.

Mark whimpers. 

“No. You stay here with me okay ?”

“Hyuck-ah” 

The words require his energy and Mark was trying his best to keep a smile on his face when he saw how Donghyuck was holding back tears and his eyebrows furrowed as he focused on Mark’s waist. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. 

“No. I am not allowing you to close your eyelids. You told me I’m the prettiest star you’ve ever seen right? Are you really not going to stare? I promise I’m not going anywhere so please. please stare at me. Keep your eyes on me”

Mark’s eyes were growing heavy and he felt how his body was feeling numb instead of a piercing pain. He felt cold and the only warmth he could get was from the boy that gave his head a place to rest on, the lap. 

Donghyuck warns Mark again not to move with a hiss. 

The older one doesn't care. All he wanted at the moment was to warm his body up. What he needed was _Donghyuck._

Mark lifted his cold fingers covered in red, placing them on his lover’s left cheeks and stroking them gently. He stares at Donghyuck's eyes, deep.

Mark reaches for Donghyuck’s cheeks and wipes the tears away. With his own eyes collecting water droplets, Mark smiled. 

Donghyuck shifts his focus on Mark and lowered his head until it’s attached to his wounded love. Mark reached for Donghyuck’s hand and planted a kiss on it. 

Donghyuck could feel how Mark’s body started to shiver. He could hear their hearts shattering. He can hear both of them wishing for the pain to stop. 

“You’re doing so well baby. Keep your eyes open okay?”

Mark upon hearing the encouraging sentence and he sucks in a deep breath.

 _one last time,_ he thought.

Mark’s eyes scanned every corner of the boy that holds his heart. He counted the moles. He wants this face to be seared at the back of his eyelids. He wants the voice to be drilled into his eardrums. He wants every piece of Donghyuck to be with him even if he’s leaving the world. 

Donghyuck reaches for Mark’s fingers and intertwines them with his own. 

“Stay here with me. We can start over again right? You have so much to explain to me Mark. Don't you dare to close your eyes”

Mark coughed as he tried to steal more seconds so he could say the words.

“Donghyuck-ah, I love you so much”

That was the last sentence Donghyuck heard before the stroking stopped and Mark’s fingers dropped. His lap felt heavier as well as his heart and his tears dam broke even more as he begged Mark to wake up. 

The sobbing continued yet there wasn’t any response so with his heart aching as if it’s being poked with sharp and pointy needles and his cheeks covered with dried and wet tears, Donghyuck kissed Mark’s forehead. 

_And I love you so much more._

—

Donghyuck was lucky or was it Mark. 

The two sat in front of each other in Mark’s apartment while Mark explained everything that’s been going on. 

How he had to leave because Donghyuck’s safety is more important. How he broke into Donghyuck’s apartment that night. What was the reason? Everything. 

“If creating distance doesn't make much changes and gives us pain. Fuck that. I’ll be next to you to keep you safe from now on”

Donghyuck flashes a small smile but Mark could see the emotions behind it. 

Hurt. Pain. Sad. Confused. All mixed up. 

“Baby, no. I’m not staying because it's my job to keep you safe. I’m staying because I need you with me. I had to watch you with a huge distance between us and do you know how hard it was for me to hold myself back from running to you every time I saw you drag yourself to the lake with bottles of soju in the plastic bag?”

“You have no idea how desperate I was to hug you when I heard your whimpers and breaking voice. All I could do was cry behind the rocks that's shielding my presence from you like a stupid person. It was painful to see the person I love falling apart in front of my eyes yet I couldn’t even take a step closer because I might risk your safety and that’s the last thing I want to happen”

Mark walks closer to Haechan and kneeled in front of the boy that's hanging his head low and his eyes glued to the floor. Mark cupped Donghyuck’s cheeks with his hands. He searched for the eyes that he missed the most. His eyes were licking every corner of his love’s face. 

“Donghyuck-ah, say something. I miss you so much” 

Mark’s voice was breaking when he pleaded.

Donghyuck was still frozen in place. He has not responded to anything Mark said and it hurts. Mark could feel how his heart fell. He lowered his head down and tried to meet their eyes again.

“Please talk to me, hm?”

Donghyuck finally matches their gaze.

His hand shakes when he reaches for the familiar face in front of him. Donghyuck chokes when he felt the skin textured meeting his hands. His body slid down off the couch and fell right on top of Mark’s laps. 

Teardrops fell from his eyes, drop by drop and he couldn't voice out the name that he’s been yearning to scream for. He wipes the tears away with one hand, making sure it’s actually Mark in front of him. 

“Se-Seagull, is this really you?”

Mark takes a sharp inhale before swallowing Donghyuck’s tiny body with his arms. 

“Yes. yes. it's me button nose”

The room is now filled with the sound of two people crying instead of silence. The hug they were sharing was so tight. Donghyuck tightens it even harder while begging Mark to not let go and the shattering voice breaks the already broken Mark.

“Oh Lord, I’m so sorry for everything. I’m so sorry that I left you alone instead of explaining everything. I promise. I’ll be here from now on okay?”

Mark pushes his body up and Donghyuck wraps his legs around the older boy’s waist as he lets his tears stream down of his cheeks. Mark pats on Donghyuck’s back and makes his way towards the bedroom. 

The room was covered in pitch black and Mark’s trained eyes managed to see everything clearly without switching on the lights because he knew the brightness would hurt Donghyuck’s eyes that’s been wet for almost 15 minutes now.

Mark steps into the room and locks the doors with Haechan clinging on him. 

He walked to the bed and lifted the blanket away before making the bed dips with his legs. Mark leaned his back on the headboard and wrapped his arms around Donghyuck and soon he started to hum a familiar melody which replaced the sobbing on his chest with a singing voice. 

“I can try, tomorrow, 

If I am together with you,

Can I-”

The lyrics got cut off when Mark slotted his lips between Donghyuck. He could taste the saltiness of the tears but what stronger than that was the taste of the person he misses the most. 

_Even if it’s hard, I know I can make it as long as we have each other._

The words may not be said out loud but heaven knows and so did them. 

_No matter what the situation is, they will walk through it together._

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read this to the end, thank you so much for spending your time to read this floppy work of mine. I know there's some void to be filled but I let you to fill those in with your own imagination. I cried while making this and honestly what was I thinking when I decided to write this. Anyways, mahae. If you enjoyed this, leave me a kudos <3
> 
> Here's a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3CEXsBwJUhrLoUOAiUkBxf?si=dCMuEe77RLKEqyJ0uTI9Lw) that I listened to the every time I update this work of mine. 
> 
> and if you want to read a bit of donghyuck's tweet when he's missing Mark, [here.](https://twitter.com/mhdumps/status/1364532041149157386)
> 
> [twitter.](https://twitter.com/mhdumps)  
> [curiouscat.](https://curiouscat.qa/haechsimps)


End file.
